party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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