i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
