I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
