i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
