I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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