I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
