OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
