i permit you to call me
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
