Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm like, not good at living.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
