Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
