Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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