I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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