My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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