I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Randomize
