I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
then he tried to convert me to islam
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i think my cat just said my name.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
