I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
