handjob tips. give me some.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
