Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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