last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
