here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
