omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
