In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
