all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
