is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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