i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
