We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
