I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
