He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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