Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm going to jail i love you
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
