lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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