it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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