and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
