Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
