I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
