I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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