So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
