White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
