Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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