2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
