When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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