Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
