Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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