she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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