I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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