ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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