So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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