i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
