We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
