New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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