Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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